BAILIFF: Hear ye, hear ye, court is now in session.
JUDGE: Call the first case.
BAILIFF: Our first case this morning is for copyright infringement. The plaintiff is Paganism, who is suing Christmas for using traditions for Christmas that were previously copyrighted by pagan holidays.
JUDGE: Are both attorneys present?
MOTHER EARTH: Attorney Mother Earth representing the pagan holidays, your honor. This is my assistant, Mother Nature
FATHER CHRISTMAS: Attorney Father Christmas representing Christmas, your honor.
JUDGE: Very well. The plaintiff will call the first witness.
MOTHER EARTH: We call December 25th to the stand.
(December 25th sits.)
BAILIFF: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
DECEMBER 25TH: I do.
BAILIFF: State your name and occupation for the record.
DECEMBER 25TH: I am December 25th. All over the world, my job is to serve as the date to celebrate the nativity of Jesus.
FATHER CHRISTMAS: Precisely, your honor. This is ridiculous. Everybody knows that December 25th is Jesus' birthday. Oh, there are some minor variations, but most of the world recognizes this holiday.
MOTHER EARTH: If I might question the witness your honor? (Judge nods.) Now then. Are you, in fact, the anniversary of Jesus' birth?
DECEMBER 25TH: No. No one knows for sure when Jesus was born, but it most certainly was not on me. He was probably born in the early summer. The stories of his birth say that shepherds were in the fields, watching their flocks by night. The shepherds are only in the fields at night during the lambing season, which is early summer. During the winter, the flocks are penned up during the night.
MOTHER EARTH: Well, then, if you aren't Jesus' birthday, what are you?
DECEMBER 25TH: On the old calendar, I was the winter solstice: the shortest day of the year. People used to be afraid that the daylight would get shorter and shorter until it disappeared all together, so on the solstice people would perform rituals to make certain that the sun would come back. The calendar was changed a while ago, so the actual solstice is now a few days earlier, but I'm still about the time the sun starts to last longer during the day.
MOTHER EARTH: And were you not considered a pagan holiday?
DECEMBER 25TH: Yes, I was; in fact, I was several, but one of the most important in Rome was Saturnalia, which went on for several days. By about the 4th century after Jesus' life, I had been declared to be the birthday of the sun god, Mithras.
MOTHER EARTH: And how did you get to be used to celebrate Jesus' birthday?
DECEMBER 25TH: Well, a long time ago, a pope decided that it would be a good idea if everyone celebrated a special mass honoring Jesus' birth at the same time. He picked December 25th because it was Saturnalia, which was one of the most popular pagan holidays being celebrated in Rome at that time. Some people said he did it to make it easier for pagans converting to Christianity to continue to celebrate that day, some said it was to stamp out paganism. Whatever the reason, the decision to celebrate Jesus birthday on me was because I was already a popular pagan holiday, not because of any evidence that Jesus was born on me.
MOTHER EARTH: Thank you.
FATHER CHRISTMAS: Ms. 25th, how long have you been celebrated as Jesus' birthday?
DECEMBER 25TH: Since about 300 years after Jesus' life, so about 1700 years now. My popularity has varied during that time. In fact, there have been times and places where the Christian church has specifically forbidden any recognition of me. Right now, though, I am quite popular!
JUDGE: If there are no more questions, the witness may step down. Call your next witness, please.
MOTHER NATURE: I call the Christmas Tree.
(Christmas tree takes the stand.)
BAILIFF: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
CHRISTMAS TREE: I do.
BAILIFF: State your name and occupation for the record, please.
CHRISTMAS TREE: I am currently best known as the Christmas Tree. People bring me into their homes and decorate me, as you see here, with ornaments and lights, sometime before Christmas. They put presents under me to open on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.
MOTHER NATURE: Did you get your start as a Christmas symbol?
CHRISTMAS TREE: Dear me, no! Why, ever since I can remember, people have used me to mark holidays near the winter solstice. The fact that I stayed green when everything else seemed to be dying makes me special. It is proof that life exists, even during the depths of winter. People would bring me indoors, and decorate me with lights to entice the sun back. I was very important in Scandinavia, where I was considered a special plant of their sun god.
FATHER CHRISTMAS: How did you come to be used by Christians to celebrate Christmas?
CHRISTMAS TREE: I don't really remember for certain. There are some who say that Martin Luther himself was the first one to bring me into his home and decorate me with lights, to remind his children of the beauty of the night sky. However, I have memories of being brought into homes by Christians even before that.
FATHER CHRISTMAS: Aren't you so popular as a symbol of Christmas that people have actually written songs about you?
CHRISTMAS TREE: Yes, I am.
FATHER CHRISTMAS: With the courts' permission, I have asked the children's choir to sing a well known, popular song about the Christmas Tree.
(Judge nods.)
(Choir sings, "Oh, Christmas Tree")
JUDGE: That was lovely. If there are no more questions, the witness may step down. Call your next witness, please.
MOTHER NATURE: I call Mistletoe.
(Mistletoe takes the stand.)
BAILIFF: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
MISTLETOE: I do.
BAILIFF: State your name and occupation for the record, please.
MISTLETOE: My name is mistletoe; during the Christmas holiday season, people hang me over doorways, and, um, well, they, um, kiss under me.
MOTHER NATURE: Sounds like a pretty good job.
MISTLETOE: Most of the time, I guess. It's just that sometimes people get, well, a little carried away and it can get embarrassing.
MOTHER NATURE: Were you used like that before Jesus' birth?
MISTLETOE: Oh, yes, In fact, all over the world, I'm been considered quite special. You see, I grow without having to put my roots in soil: I grow ON other trees. And my beautiful berries can be poisonous if you eat too many, but in smaller amounts, they've been used for be healing.
MOTHER NATURE: Can you describe some of the ways you've been used by various pagan groups?
MISTLETOE: Well, hundreds of years before Jesus' birth, the Druids used me to celebrate the coming of winter. The priests held special ceremonies when they cut me down, and I was used for making special healing potions. But my favorite place was in Scandinavia. According to an old that Baldur, the god of Peace, was killed by Loki, the god of destruction, with an arrow made of mistletoe. The other gods and goddesses were angry, and demanded that Baldur be brought back to life. When he was brought back to life, his mother, Fregga, was so grateful that she hung some of me over a door and promised to kiss anyone who passed under it! That's probably where the traditions of kissing under me got it's start.
FATHER CHRISTMAS: That's interesting, but you haven't always been that popular as a Christmas tradition, have you?
MISTLETOE: I became really popular as part of the Christmas tradition in the 1700's. Some people worried so much about people getting carried away that they tried to have me banned, but they were never able to get rid of me.
FATHER CHRISTMAS: Thank you.
JUDGE: The witness may step down. Call your next witness, please.
MOTHER NATURE: I call Holly and her friends.
(Holly takes the stand, with Ivy standing beside her. They are joined by Rosemary, Bay and Laurel.)
BAILIFF: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
HOLLY: I do.
BAILIFF: State your name and occupation for the record, please.
LAUREL: My name is Laurel, and I'm joined here by Holly, Ivy, Rosemary, and Bay. Like some of the previous witnesses we have often been used during the winter to brighten up people's homes, to remind them that winter will one day be over and the sun will return.
MOTHER NATURE: Have you been used for very long.
HOLLY: Certainly. The Druids used to spread me around their houses during the winter. They believed that I would provide warmth and shelter for the tiny fairies that lived in the woods. But my friends and I have been used in many places to decorate during the time of the winter solstice, like the evergreen tree to remind people that life continues, and to entice the sun.
FATHER CHRISTMAS: You've been used for a long time by Christmas, haven't you?
HOLLY: I certainly have. Even before Christmas was celebrated on December 25th, some Christians would bring us indoors during the winter months. At first, some of them may have done that to hide the fact that they were Christians, so that they would not be persecuted. But eventually they adopted my friends and me as their own.
FATHER CHRISTMAS: In fact, like the Christmas Tree, haven't there been songs written in your honor?
IVY: There have been several. But my favorite was written about me and my best friend here, Holly.
(Choir sings The Holly and the Ivy)
JUDGE: If there are no further questions, the witnesses may return to their seats.
MOTHER EARTH: Next, I'd like to call the Yule Log.
(Yule log takes the stand.)
BAILIFF: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
YULE LOG: I do.
BAILIFF: State your name and occupation for the record, please.
YULE LOG: I am the Yule Log. I am a special log burned in the home during the winter solstice.
MOTHER EARTH: And where does your name, Yule, come from?
YULE LOG: It is an ancient Celtic word that means "wheel". It referred to the turning of the seasons.
MOTHER EARTH: So your use is old?
YULE LOG: Very old. Lighting special fires in homes during the winter solstice was common. But I was very special. People would work hard to find just the right log, as once I was lit I was expected to burn for the full twelve days of the Yule celebration --that may have been the beginning of the ?12 days of Christmas? tradition.
FATHER CHRISTMAS: Do very many people actually burn a Yule Log these days?
YULE LOG: I'm not used as much as I used to be -- but my name is. Why, the Christmas season is called ?Yule?, a direct reference to me.
JUDGE: If there are no further questions, the witnesses may return to their seats.
MOTHER EARTH: I'd like to call my final witness, the Gift.
(Gift takes the stand, accompanied by additional gifts: a good way to use any small children who would like non-speaking parts.)
BAILIFF: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
GIFT: I do.
BAILIFF: State your name and occupation for the record, please.
GIFT: I am a gift, something that one person gives to another, generally on a special occasion.
MOTHER EARTH: What sorts of occasions?
GIFT: Well, birthdays, weddings, anniversaries -- and, of course, Christmas.
MOTHER EARTH: Prior to Jesus' birth, were gifts given during the winter solstice?
GIFT: Yes. Good luck gifts were given during Saturnalia -- a pagan holiday that has already been mentioned several times. In some parts of the world, special gifts for the gods were hung on evergreen trees.
FATHER CHRISTMAS: When did the tradition of giving gifts at Christmas start?
GIFT: Many people trace this tradition to Jesus birth itself! After he was born in Bethlehem, they say that wise men traveled to his side to give him gifts of myrrh, frankincense and gold. But I really became popular as a major part of Christmas in the last two hundred years.
MOTHER NATURE: The plaintiff rests, your honor. I think we've demonstrated that many of the most important Christmas traditions have been a direct infringement of copyrights previously held by pagan holidays. I ask that Christmas be ordered to stop using our traditions immediately.
JUDGE: You've made an impressive case. Does the defense wish to call any witnesses?
FATHER CHRISTMAS: I don't think we need to, your honor. While it is true that many of our favorite traditions were used by pagan holidays long before Jesus was born, we have changed some of them to put our own imprint on them. Most importantly, though, we have been using these traditions now for as much as 1700 years. I submit that paganism is long past the time when they could have sued us for copyright infringement.
JUDGE: My goodness, you are right! Mother Earth, your clients waited way too long to file this lawsuit. While Christmas has, indeed, taken your traditions, the statute of limitations ran out on this a long time ago. I find in favor of the defendant: Christmas may continue to use these traditions. (Though it would be nice to occasionally mention that they were in prior use by pagan holidays) Now, would everyone join us in a song for the season that recognizes many of our joint traditions?
